“I want an upgrade” she trilled as her nails tapped out a rhythmic beat upon the highly polished mahogany counter.  A puzzled look came across the face of the man standing behind the hotel reception desk.  Thinking that she was being misunderstood, she repeated her request and I could tell that she was not about to be denied.  She expected some attention and she wanted it now!  With an efficient French accent, the manager asked if he could be of help and discovered that the woman was not thrilled with her accommodations.  “But Madame, you have not even seen your room!”  And that’s how it went straight across Europe, from one fine hotel to another.  I watched as this musician’s wife with whom I was traveling, insisted upon an upgrade to every room that she was assigned.  Some suites she ventured to look at, while others she refused to give even the slightest glance.  I was fascinated.  

A friend of mine is a studio musician and we were on tour with a well know English rock star and his entourage.  We were treated like royalty all across Europe and England and the trip was memorable in many ways, but it was this woman that held my attention.  The reason that I was captivated by her had nothing to do with her seemingly unreasonable requests.  I was not judging her.  No, the grip that she had on me was much more insidious.  It was a yearning that seemed primal, a wanting so deep and so buried that when confronted with a glimpse of it, I was stopped in my tracks.  

As irrational as her demands may have seemed at the time, she was in her own way searching for something that was eluding her.  It was not about the perfect room with the perfect shade of light pink that matched the even more perfect chartreuse silk embroidered curtains.  It ran much deeper than that and I understood.  How many times had I experienced moments that took me out of my heart?  How many times had I let problems and anxieties define me rather than releasing them and reframing a situation so that I was free to feel inspired and in awe?  It seemed that she had set herself up for failure.  Nothing would satisfy her except a main line into a vein called Nirvana.

I could feel her longing and I found it intriguing, but at the same time I thought, how exhausting and fruitless for her.  She was setting up expectations and demanding that life flow only within a particular framework and specific parameters, discarding anything that did not fit into her preconceived image and quite honestly, we’ve all done this.  Insisting “how” and “when” we would finally allow ourselves to be happy, usually followed by the “if this would only happen” and “only in this particular way” framework.  

I think that it’s finally time to throw away all frames or at the very least, start to “reframe”.  

I realize now that I was witnessing a limited belief system at play.  I watched as this person defined herself and her happiness through the outer world and her interpretation was within the framework of “lack”.  There simply is no lack in this neutral universe, unless of course, that’s the game you want to play.  In which case, the universe will happily oblige.  In this instance, the hotels and rooms changed, but her belief system did not.  

Even though I felt for her like I would a mouse in a maze, I knew that she needed to find her own way out as we all eventually do.  In reality, we are always just one instantaneous shift away from unlocking our own jail house doors and flying free.  Remembering our true nature ... that’s the key. However long it takes, months, years, lifetimes, we eventually remember ourselves, sinking into the heart space and stepping free from the mind.  In the moment  of present awareness there is the opportunity for awe and inspiration, a delightful invitation to be who we truly are and we all know that feeling.  It starts with our shoulders relaxing, sinking slowly down and away from our ears while our heart is saying “Welcome back.”  So how do we get there and stay?  How do we release ourselves from the aspects of illusion that are not working for us anymore or not bringing us joy?  

Well, that’s the journey, isn’t it?  Being present and finding our balance in this shifting, pulsing vibration called Earth. It may be an excellent time to learn the fine art of “Reframing”,  shifting to another perception, another timeline of opportunity and choosing something more joyful and satisfying to our spirits.  This is not about sticking our collective heads in the sand but rather about gaining a perspective that will serve our greatest good.  It’s a matter of choice.

Now as I look back, I understand what this woman was looking for when she demanded an “upgrade”.  I think that she wanted someone to help her to shift ... to see things not so much as how they seemingly appeared, but rather to be given the opportunity to see what was in her heart, the desire of her soul.  She wanted to be consumed and overwhelmed by a feeling of peace and satisfaction and every room held that potential.  

We all have those rooms filled with potential and now the time is upon us to make choices as to how we observe and how we “judge” the events of the day.  Our framing will either fast track us to a place of a more illuminated understanding or we could discover ourselves in turmoil as the structures of the world slowly get stripped away.  Sometimes it’s a little of both before true understanding is reached.  Right now, I choose to look at this time period of experience as an opportunity for growth, my “upgrade”, so to speak.  How are you framing it?

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How does this world talk to you?  Where do you get your information, your understanding of your relationship to this life and the totality of who you are?  Do you believe in what you see before you or do you, like the sentient being that you are, “feel” into events in order to gather your information?  Probably both. Would a white peacock walking down a country road get your attention?  It certainly got mine.

The way the world speaks to me can often be very simple; birds singing, chirping and tweeting while jumping from branch to branch, or a breeze that momentarily takes my breath away as it swirls past me with messages on it’s wings.  All these are obvious, but there are other subtle ways of communicating.  They are in the form of personal energy packets, delivered with no words.  Quiet conversations with creation making itself known. This is how I get my daily news. 

Like the morning paper being flung over the fence, the dispatches get delivered and land at my feet.  The world talks to us and tries to be very loud and clear in it’s attempt to communicate what is important in this life and what is personally meaningful for us.  The language in which it communicates is fluid and changeable in it’s delivery, usually not so obvious or predictable.  Never underestimate the subtleties or the language of nature nor your ability to, on some consciousness or unconsciousness level, understand and sense these expressions.  Of course you have to be open and know a message when you sense one ... which leads me to the peacock.

A very dear friend of mine died about two weeks ago.  His passing had a big impact on me.  Friends have moved on before, but this time it felt personal.  It was like I was on a boat, sailing along with everyone else only to have his energy move from one side of the boat to the other.  I felt the ship tilt.  For a while, I lost my footing and the deck felt unfamiliar and uneven.  While trying to work out my balance, I could feel him beyond the veil.  I asked that he send me a sign and then I let my request go.  

A few hours later I was driving home, actually taking a road that I do not normally travel in order to get back.  On the opposite side of this particular country road, walked a white peacock.  I need to repeat that; a white peacock.  It was slowly strutting down the road with it’s plumes laid gently out behind him, like a bride on her wedding day, the train of her gown flowing behind her as she walked.  The sight was exquisite.  I live in New England.  These birds do not exist here.  Until that day, I had never seen a white peacock before in my life.  

My first thought was; “Damn!  You’re good!” knowing full well that this was my sign, my friend nodding to me in recognition.  I slowed the car to a halt, rolled the window down and watched as it so eloquently walked by.  I was overwhelmed by the beauty, but not just of the bird.  I was in the moment of  magnificent joy and gratitude at the communication I saw in every plume and every feather.  I didn’t want to leave.  I watched him as he slowly and majestically made his way down the road.  It really didn’t matter where he came from or his destination.  The importance was in the moment and was for me to see.

When I returned home I quickly investigated the various meanings of a White Peacock.  As you can imagine, it’s all very powerful.  A white peacock is very unusual and highly revered.  Some of it’s attributes are; Christ Consciousness, Awakening and Light.  

I didn’t need lofty interpretations of my experience, though.  My understanding is a simple one; I merely asked for a bit of news and then was answered in a way that I could fully understand and appreciate the beauty in the response.  Thank you, HM.  It was magical.

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On the streets of New York City one can find a variety of shops, food, people and cars but it’s certainly not the first place that I would look to find my child within.

Mid-town Manhattan was a pulsing stream of minds and hearts that day, pounding the pavement with unflinching determination.  It is a system of moveable parts and either you are a part of that stream of humanity or you need to step aside, because there is no room for hesitation or foolishness.  The machine of City Life is much bigger than all of us and seems to operate efficiently if it is fed the diet of “cooperation”.  

When you have seen just about everything that one can possibly imagine on these streets, you tend to walk along in a bubble of solitude.  Making eye contact is strictly “verboten”.  As awful as that may sound, there is a certain amount of anonymity and freedom that occurs when everyone walks along with a “Do Not Disturb” sign around their necks.  That day though, the walls of seclusion and privacy were about to be shattered for a lucky few.

The first high-pitched shriek came from a toddler in a baby stroller and as if they were in the thick of the Amazon jungle, the call went out and was echoed and answered by yet another young one in a carriage.  The screams of acknowledgement of each other sounded primal, ape-like fists pounding against their tiny chests crying out in recognition.  The babies had seen each other from afar, each snuggled comfortably in their chariots with their mothers at the helm.  The mothers, whom apparently had no choice in the matter, were being led onward by flailing arms and more squeaks and mumblings.  The women were strangers to each other but driven by their children’s excitement, they quickly pushed their strollers closer and closer together, until the babies were finally face to face.  I stopped in my tracks, a rock in the middle of a stream of people that were suddenly forced to flow around me.  I watched and my heart began to open.  These two old souls, delighting in their artistry and know-how, managed to meet up again in this life time and apparently had a lot to discuss.  They squealed with happiness and jabbed at each other as if to say; “Can you believe this?  What are YOU doing in this neighborhood?”  As I watched the depth of communication and love that flowed between these two, I was suddenly transported to a place deep inside.  I began to reclaim my humanness, my direct appreciation of qualities that we all have in common but over time, seem to bury.  As they so innocently held court in the middle of this noisy jungle, I could tell that they had it all figured out.  They were showing me and the others with eyes to see, the brilliance of life, the delight and the exuberance of life that is still there for the taking.  How is it that we allow ourselves to forget this feeling?  Why do we dull ourselves with more “important” things?  

I suddenly had a clearer perspective of how easy it was to be in tune with what really mattered and in that moment of understanding, I felt tears of love and appreciation.  Apparently I wasn’t the only one that felt that wave of awareness shower over us because as I looked around at the others who were captivated by the moment, I could sense that we all seemed to “get it” at the same time ... and that’s when the walls came tumbling down.  On that teeming sidewalk filled with “strangers”, we all felt that unmistakeable thread of connection.  For a New York minute, time had stopped for us and we stood there, openly consuming the life force that we were tapped into.

After a while it was time to move on.  The babies had stopped their sharing and settled back into their buggies, probably having made plans to meet up again in twenty years. They seemed satisfied with their exchange and were ready to move forward and experience the next encounter that life had to offer.  I too felt energized from the experience and with a renewed sense of excitement for life, hit the pavements once again, but this time, I felt open and ready to receive ... with a most noticeable lightness of being.

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Dearest Merlin,

As I was watching the movie Camelot and gazed upon Arthur, his soul laid bare to you, I could feel his Longing.  When he asked you; “Merlin, make me a hawk!  Let me fly away from here!” he wanted to be free from himself and his Longing, so he flew high and observed from above all that was to be seen from a bird’s perspective.  He was able to get an overall view of his life and be transported to a place of detachment.  But still he had to come back to earth to enter into the game again and try and fill that void in his heart and it was then that I began to wonder; Is Longing a vehicle for enlightenment, the unsung hero of the human complex?  If Longing is a strong desire, especially for something unattainable, might it be the driving force behind our awakening, a constant need that propels us forward?  Whenever I feel Longing in myself or see it in others, it rises up as a need that will never be quenched, a desire never to be extinguished.  We Long for something that is embedded so deeply in our memories, yet just that far out of reach.  The feeling of wanting to “remember” feels maddening, but I can’t even fathom what it is that I’ve forgotten.  A violin played in a certain way will make me Long from the depths of my being, or listening to a dog’s howl in the dead of the night will bring me closer to what I Long to remember.  If we could connect to our real home and our Galactic lineage, that would certainly help us to come closer to who we truly are but even then, I suspect that Longing would still exist.  It is more than just a human trait?  If you’re still listening Merlin, I’d like to know, does “God” yearn?  Does Source Energy long to know itself to the extent that it is always searching, always on the hunt for that sense of knowing and if so, will it ever become self evident?  

It seems to me Merlin, that the flame of Longing is a thread that runs through us, this matrix, and beyond.  The idea that there would come a point in “time” that would extinguish that flame of Longing does not seem to exist, at least not from this perspective.  Stepping into fourth and fifth density helps to widen the understanding and Longing becomes more of a joyful exploration rather than a limited, trapped vision.  Becoming a hawk and flying above it all certainly does have it’s advantages.  

I feel that life is like a book and with every new chapter comes a breaking of a seal, so to speak, as we come closer to having that innate sense of “knowing” revealed and we vibrate accordingly.  Our understanding is largely predicated on our Longing and thirst as a collective to explore the depths and mysteries of our being.  It is a process with no restrictions of “time”.  And correct me if I’m wrong Merlin, but isn’t this whole adventure about letting ourselves go into the mysteries?  To become fully realized.  I think that’s what we’ve always Longed for.  An understanding of who we are and what we have always been.  That is just one illumination though, just one of many chapters in our book, one of the many seals to be broken.  

So Merlin, thanks for listening.  It’s always wonderful to chat with you.  Please send my warm regards to Arthur and Guinevere and if you would like to shed any light on my musings, I’m open.  Till then, I’ll see you in my dreams.

My best,

Deborah

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Back in the 70’s when I lived in Los Angeles, I had a very good friend who was a creative director at a big advertising agency.  She sat around with a bunch of “brainiacs” and came up with catchy slogans and phrases that would promote their client’s products.  One of her major accounts was Libby’s, the canned fruit and vegetable business that was very well known then and now.  Libby’s was having a problem.  Their canned corn, potatoes and carrots were flying off the shelves, but there was something about peas that people seemed to reject.  Canned peas just sat on the counters and it was my friend’s mission to bring peas to the forefront of the consumer’s minds and make them inviting to eat.  She came up with what I thought was a fantastic ad campaign, especially given the time period, the music, the Vietnam war and everything else that was happening in the 60’s and 70’s.  Her catchphrase was this; “Give Peas a Chance”.  

Now I don’t know if that would actually have made people want to put down their cans of beans and corn to consume peas instead, but I personally thought that it was a stroke of genius.  It was like being at the right place at the right time.  She captured an essence that was so apropos for the era that it seemed to me it was a no-brainer.  There’s your campaign.  Job done ... but it wasn’t.  

The powers that decided such matters hesitated, hemmed and hawed about the inferred word “Peace”.  They felt that it was unattainable, thus the consumer would be less likely to buy something that was an illusive dream.  A “nice” thought for sure and they admired the sentiment but that was as far as it went.  They looked at their bottom line and did not think that peace was a way to sell peas.  Instead they went with something that the general public could more readily accept.  Peace was too intellectual, too big an idea to wrap one’s brain around.  

In a roundabout way this all came to mind again as I was sitting in a movie theater in Florida a few days ago.  I was visiting a town that was made up of mostly retirees, elderly people, grandmothers and grandfathers.  We were relaxed in our chairs, patiently waiting for the film to begin while listening to classical music that was being piped through the speakers.  The lights went down as I munched on my popcorn and we all looked forward to the feature, but it seemed that there were other plans afoot.  

For a full twenty minutes before the feature presentation, we were saturated with a barrage of previews for new, upcoming films.  It is hard for me to find the words to describe what the audience and I were subjected to because it wasn’t so much what we saw, but instead it was about the intent.  The intent was to instill fear.  Though the actors and story lines changed with each film trailer we watched, the message was consistent and clear; be afraid.  Of what, I don’t know, but terror was being piped into that theater at a high volume, the classical music but a faded memory.  

Apprehension was being spewed out like glitter from the movie screen, settling down upon us like falling dust.  It was as if a concentrated and highly orchestrated PSYOP’s unit was being let loose on the audience to hammer away at our objective reasoning and emotions.  We were being invaded by an unwanted intruder with a key and permission slip to search out our vulnerabilities and to unlock each of our hidden Pandora’s boxes.  The theater had been taken over by the dark in more ways than one.  

I personally could see it for what it was, a game of control not unlike the evening news or the headlines that scream terror at every opportunity that is given.  I’m sure that there were others too that understood that we were being manipulated to believe that fear is more possible than peace.  Someone’s agenda was being promoted in a world where terror reigned.  Terror and all the cottage industries that have sprung up around anxiety are profitable but, damn it!  Even in a movie theater?!  Someone was trying to push us down a dark alley with creatures of the night who were ready to pounce.  

I was bored and irritated at the visuals being thrust upon us as we, the captive audience, were being violated by the unrelenting onslaught of psychological and physical aggression being displayed in all their glory on a fifty foot high piece of canvas.  Battle fatigue was setting in.  If I was home I would have flipped the channel, though you’d be hard pressed to even find me in front of a television.  As well, I started to wonder what was going through the heads and hearts of the elderly people that sat there in silence.  Were they possibly thinking of their children and grandchildren?  Were they worried as to what might become of them?  Were they scared for their loved ones and their mere survival?  It didn’t seem fair, older people having to fight for a slice of civility on a quiet day out.  

So my thought is this; I, for one, am going to give peace a chance.  I am going to be that silly person that speaks of love and tranquility when others speak of fear, the idealist smiling for light and balance on this planet.  And I know I’m not alone in my desires.  I’m going to look upon this campaign of fear for what it is, a distorted view and a perversion of the only reality that truly exists, which is the expression of love.  A peaceable kingdom.  What a lovely, silly thought.

In St. Lucia there is a most wonderful cafe and music venue called Snooty Agouti, (Snoodee Agoodee).  In an on-line description it tells of the food, cocktails and scrumptious desserts but it’s the last part of it’s characterization that I like the best.  The summary says that it’s offerings are served with “tranquillity and a cool breeze”.  I love that description and all that it represents.  

I have been to St. Lucia many times over the last twenty years and the restaurant’s name has come to mind and has been part of my vernacular ever since I first set foot into this quaint eatery.  Inside, the place is crammed with funky tables and oversized chairs, their guts spilling out nonchalantly on the floor.  If perchance you would like to sit in one of them and wait for a table, you’d have to push aside the stray cats that have been lucky enough to claim the seats before you as they wait patiently to seize any food bits that drop to the floor.  

Then there is the business card. It is an illustration of an Agouti in a black top hat and red tails, clutching a bunch of balloons and standing on it’s hind feet in a dignified manner ... at least as dignified as a rodent can be.  To me, the drawing completely captures the atmosphere and the intent.  A tongue-in-cheek attitude that says; “Yeah, I’m a relative of a guinea pig and guess what?  I’ve got the world on a string.”  I have chuckled at the absurdity of the whole premise and at the same time, have admired the imagination and concept of it all ... the freedom to be who you are without apologies.  

I too have felt like an Agouti, especially now having just passed the imaginary dividing line that delineated the old year from the new one that is now upon us.  For all the conjecture and anticipation that was focused upon the 21st of December, the Winter Solstice found me peacefully cognizant of the world at large.  I tried to enter into that period without expectation.  As I meditated and went about my day, I felt a genuine connection to all, the seen and the unseen, an affinity to the web that links us together as one.  And in this connection, I felt possibilities, renewal and a strong sense of collective energy that was inspiring.  It was a very powerful time for me personally but the awareness that I was tapping into had potential on an even grander scale, an exponential fuse that once lit, would become a blinding undeniable force that would flood the planet.  The days of darkness were gone and we’ve just begun.  The feeling was big ... very big ... palpable and tangible.  The intense energies on that particular day and for many days that have followed were ones of allowing, flowing and love.  Yes, I know that word love gets used a lot, but it’s the only one with the magnitude that fits this feeling of kindness and compassion.  I am left with a clear sense that I have shifted and have landed on new ground.  This understanding and perception did not happen in a minute nor particularly on December 21st but it has happened gradually and to the extent where it is much easier to hold a higher heart vibration, rather than focusing on a duality-based illusion that occurs while living in my head.  

I guess you could say that I have made the shift,  the anticipated ascension and it’s a lot like the feeling of “tranquility and a cool breeze”.  Who knew that I would have so much in common with a Snooty Agouti?

I am awake.  At daybreak I am circling overhead, a large winged bird using the air currents to easily glide myself above the earth.  I observe from this distance the movements below.  From this vantage point I can easily see the terrain, the hills and gullies carved out of the hardened molten lava, belched hot and foaming from the belly of this terrestrial sphere.  I am circling, circling ... not ready to land ... not quite yet.  Being detached in quiet observation has opened me to profound realizations.  I have felt the winds blowing from the north, south, east and west converging upon me in a great flurry of energy with timely messages of rebirth.  I have listened with my heart to the voices of conviction and the mumblings of destruction.  I have felt the currents but still I circle ... not willing to commit ... not just now.  As the gyrations continue I observe with great reverence the quaking and tremors of our Mother, the Earth.  The land breaks apart like pieces of a puzzle shaken out of alignment.  Jagged fragments of opinions, religions, love and hate get tossed into the air, broken apart by the corruption of the senses and a reality that just can not be held together anymore.  Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.  This is what I’ve been waiting for.  In the breaking apart comes a great breath, a sliver of Life Source that spreads across the terrain, making itself available for our transformation.  Love seems to be rising to the top like thick, clotted cream available for our ravenous consumption.  We are the pioneers on the edge of a cosmic flow, pushing out in the exploration of the Divine.  That Divine Light is flooding the planet, expanding in the darkness and reframing the world as we know it.  As always, the deepening and understanding of our true nature will be reflected back to us.  As within so without.  I have great hope, love and compassion for all that we have gone through and all that we will encounter as we weave our way homeward.  This profound realization beckons me and awaits my arrival.