Thursday, March 29, 2012

A Blog Entry About Nothing

I meditate daily.  My meditations can sometimes last from one to two hours at a time.  I sometimes mediate twice a day.  Needless to say, in that amount of time a lot seems to happen, or sometimes not.  Lately when I meditate I have found it difficult to connect to my “voice”.  Meditating and what happens during meditation is so personal and usually involves no words, so as I write this, I am using secondary explanations for primary ones.  I sometimes channel during my meditation, which is a lot like tapping a vein and connecting in such a way that words, ideas and feelings coming from Source Energy (or whomever) just flow through me.  I write furiously, never really knowing what is written until I look back on it days later.  On other occasions, I write stories or ideas from a feeling or delve into my imagination while meditating and see where that goes and what I come up with.  There are many, many variables and I really dislike giving everything a label, but suffice to say that a lot of creative, intuitive “stuff” goes on.  Then there is the place of “Nothing/Everything” when I meditate.  I loose the boundary of my body with a feeling of expansion.  It’s a sense of spreading out in all directions. In this space there are neither questions to be asked nor any to be answered.  It is a place of being.  I have been spending a lot of time in that space lately and not moving from there.  I go up to the attic and gently whisper “Hello?  Hello?” but I sense nothing.  The space is cleared and all I see is a shaft of light coming through a window onto a cleaned floor.  All seems quiet inside me and I feel a bit stuck, like there is no movement.  I am not connecting the way I usually do and I am finding it rather curious.  Not being able to connect enough to even write a blog entry is unusual and reminds me of the show Seinfeld.  The whole premise of Seinfeld was a “show about nothing”.  At least that’s how Larry David termed his concept but when you truly look at the episodes, it was hardly a show about nothing but on the contrary, his shows were filled to the brim with plots and subplots.  So I’m sitting here trying to figure out what to write and I’m feeling a lot like Mr. David in that I’m not coming up with anything or so it seems.  Is it possible to write an entry about nothing?  I think not.  Even nothing is something.  So I go back over my notes from the last few days to see if there is anything that I can share … possibly a feeling or thought that others can relate to and here is what I find.  In one of my most recent meditations I asked; “Why am I feeling this void?”  This is the response I wrote down; “That’s just where you are.  All is well.  You are at a place where you have cleared out a lot.  Don’t be afraid of that space or try and fill it with “stuff”.  Just let it be.  There will always be movement, expansion, and change.  Just be with what is right now even if it feels like nothing.  A lot comes out of just being.  After a while something will come along and spark your attention.  Till then, don’t push.  There is no pressure.  Moments like this are good.  They are the pause before the movement.  The in breath before the out breath.  It’s the simple rhythm of the universe.  Don’t judge it.”  And there you have it.  My blog entry about nothing with a little bit of something thrown in.  Maybe it’s a contraction before the push?  Who knows … we’ll see.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

It was the twinkle in his eye that I noticed first, that undeniable spark that flowed through his being and into the world to shine light upon this earth.  He walked with clarity and power.  Did I imagine him cutting through the ethers and walking toward me or was he an apparition that I created for my own reasons? The line between illusion and "reality" can sometimes become a bit blurry.  I was leaving LA and sat at the airport with all the other travelers waiting for my chariot to arrive.  I am not a big fan of traveling by air but how else was I to get back to the east coast?  It was going to be a long six-hour flight, so I decided to just hunker down and go mindless for a while.  Out of my travel bag I pulled out a scarf that I was knitting for a boyfriend at that time. The scarf was never finished and the boyfriend was dumped … but I digress.  There I sat knitting like a little old granny, trying to pretend that I was anywhere else but LAX, Terminal C.  The more I think about it, the more I can safely say that I felt his presence first.  There was something about his whole aura that made him stand out from the crowd and made me realize that he was not of this earth and if he was, he was living a different life than mine.  He walked with grace, a kind of glide that said; “I am content with the moment and myself”.  I wondered if anyone else noticed him and rather assumed not because he was there for one purpose and one purpose only.  He was there to meet me or rather to come close and share his energy, so I was not the least bit surprised when he took the seat right next to mine.  It was reserved for him.  We greeted each other as equals in that moment of time, dispensed with the platitudes and got down to a discussion about choices, roads that we had traveled and the knowledge that we gained from our choosing. Never once did we ask each other what we did for a living or where we lived.  His talk with me was allegorical in nature, metaphors that truly could have been taken on so many different levels but of course my understanding was from the heart and he knew that.  Meanings and assumptions were transferred by subtle inferences and intonations.  It was as if my soul was ravaged but now was slowly being nourished, filled to the brim with prana.  I don’t really remember him getting up to leave. For that matter, I don’t remember gathering my belongings or boarding the plane.  When I finally became cognizant of my surroundings I realized that I was in my seat and we were getting ready for take off.  Was he on this flight I wondered? Where did he go?  Did he board this plane?  All of a sudden it became too much to think about.  I felt as if I had had an encounter with Infinity and I was tired.  I looked around the plane to find any available seats that were not taken and noticed some empty ones in back.  After the plane had taken off and we were safely winging our way to the Big Apple, I scrambled to the empty seats before anyone else got to them, threw a warm blanket over myself and fell fast asleep.  I was awakened by the noise of the landing gear being dropped and locked into place and a friendly attendant telling me that it was time to land.  I sat upright with a start, buckled my seat belt around my waist and felt a little uneasy about the fact that six hours had passed and I was aware of nothing.  As I sat wondering where I had been for the duration of the flight, I noticed a piece of paper lying there on my bags.  I picked it up and started to read.  This is what it said; “Dearest Angel, it does not surprise me that you have captured the only four available seats left on the plane. I saw you in the lounge, knitting away like a fair maiden and now find you sleeping as an innocent child.  Your power is great and your heart is open.  May you travel the roads ahead with love and wisdom, harnessing the power that you have at your command.  You will live a life of importance and meaning.  Godspeed.”  I looked up and searched the plane but couldn’t find him.  With my heart pounding I quickly deboarded and began to scour the airport.  I swear my mission was to find him and see him in the flesh.  My scientific mind wanted proof that he was a man but my heart danced in excitement knowing that I had just experienced greatness.  He simply wasn’t to be found.  I stood at that luggage carousel watching the bags go round and round while waiting for him to claim his, but I waited in vain.  He was gone … or didn’t exist … or a little bit of both.  I truly can’t tell you what happened that day but I felt as if I had touched something amazing and alive and although “he” was the catalyst, the greatness that I felt was inside of me and all he did was point the way.

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Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I sat on the front steps looking out at the farm.  The large white colonial house towered behind me.  As I gazed straight ahead I could see the horses eating grass and ambling along through the lush green pastures.  A few out buildings dotted the landscape to my right, the tack room and red barns that stored the hay and saddles.  The horse that I rode today was being let out to graze after having been wiped down and cooled off, not that I gave him much of a challenge.  As a matter of fact I could hear him thinking as we rode along, “Really?  This is it?  No canters?  No gallops?  I like you!”  Anyway it was too hot for all that fanfare but most of all, it was raspberry season.  As we walked along through the wooded path, the raspberry bushes came right up to my stirrups and all I had to do was bend down every few yards and grab a handful, being very careful not to cut myself on the thorns.  Even if I did, it was worth it.  What are a few scratches compared to a handful of eatable gold?  To me, this was heaven.  I needed this time alone because the night before I had attended a dinner party. There were all the usual suspects from the area, some I knew and others I recognized in passing.  As I listened to the conversations at the party, judgment in one way or another seemed to be at the forefront of many of them.  I strained to hear harmony in the voices, knowing that it was right below the surface, but all I could hear was discord that evening.  As I rode along today I got to thinking about judgment and a picture popped into my mind, one of a referee on the sidelines wearing a black and white striped shirt.  He had a whistle around his neck and was clutching a clipboard.  He was comparing, measuring and critiquing.  Ahh, yes!  Judgment personified!  You’re not in the game but separate from it.  In nature one is not separate from Source.  There are no judgments in nature.  Judgment separates us not only from Source Energy but also from each other.  If you can take a higher point of view and a different perspective, you realize that judgment is just a preference with a charge.  Take away the emotional charge to something and you simply observe and decide what you would prefer, how you would like to spend your life, with whom you would like to associate with, etc.  A very subtle shift but a big component in how you choose to live.  If it is true that at this time there are trains leaving the station and we need to choose which train we want to be on, then Judgment will not be a passenger on mine.  By appreciating myself and honoring my own light, my fellow travelers will be ones that I naturally resonate with.  Right now it's normal to find yourself separating from friends and family and wondering what is going on.  Choice is what’s going on.  On a very innate level we are all creating our worlds, the New Earths so to speak and surrounding ourselves with people who respect us and with whom we share genuine love.  These trains will become more and more separate as they travel further down the track. What you may find acceptable now and with whom you share your time, may ultimately become strange bedfellows down the line.  Though the differences may seem subtle, they will become excruciatingly obvious to our hearts and souls as we shift to new paradigms.  Separation and choosing what naturally resonates with us will become second nature and not something that we think about but instead will be a natural unfolding of our true selves.  Which brings me back full circle … nature and raspberries.  Note to self; make sure to pack a plethora of fresh raspberries for the train trip and don’t forget the case of champagne!